Sex toys have been taboo amongst Christians since they were first created, and for good reason. Almost every store, not including this one, that sells them also displays nudity, sells pornography, and encourages activities that don’t align with Christian values.
Vibrators are often considered solo masturbation devices by many in the Christian community. I agree that they and other adult toys can be used in ways that are immoral and cheapen sex. But they can also be used for good, enhancing intimacy and satisfaction in your marriage bed and possibly strengthening your marriage overall.
Think about this: Most Christians agree that personal lubricant used during intercourse is an acceptable marital aid. But what if that lube is used to masturbate while thinking about someone else? Is the lubricant or the act bad? The same goes for a vibrator. Using one with your spouse during foreplay or intercourse to help your wife climax more easily and reliably can be a great, loving use of a toy.
Adult toys are neither good nor bad; what makes their use right or wrong is the context and motivation behind using them. What’s right for some couples may not suit others. Couples should self-examine their motivation for using a bedroom toy and make sure their intent aligns morally before pressing the power button.
Here’s the best guidance we’ve been given and found about using sex toys without cheapening sex.
When is sex toy use okay in a Christian marriage?
- When their use doesn’t cheapen sex.
- When they enhance intimacy.
- When they adhere to Christian religious boundaries.
- When you and your spouse are comfortable and willing to use them together.
- Your marriage is solid. Toys don’t fix marriage problems.
Let’s take these one by one and expand on them.
Doesn’t Cheapen Sex
Sex is the ultimate act of giving yourself completely to your spouse, which goes both ways, and it’s a very special and exclusive way you and your spouse love each other that isn’t shared with anyone else.
Having sex so that you can play with a toy cheapens the act. Lovemaking should be about giving yourself to and loving your spouse, not giving a reason to play with a bedroom toy. Your love for each other should be the reason for lovemaking, not playing with a new personal massager.
Replacing your spouse with a marital aid cheapens sex. For example, using a sexual aid instead of making love to your spouse because you would rather have the marital aid over your spouse.
I’m not talking about replacing your husband’s tongue or finger for clitoral stimulation during foreplay with an adult toy, for example. Having your husband use a vibrator on you during foreplay or you pressing a personal massager against your clitoris during sex to help you reach orgasm more easily is exactly how we hope couples use our products. Using a vibrator or stroker to masturbate instead of making love with your spouse is cheapening sex, and how we hope couples don’t use our products.
I’m sure there are other ways they could cheapen sex, but you get the idea. Your love for each other and procreation should be at the center of lovemaking.
Enhance Intimacy and Satisfaction
Sexual wellness products can go a long way in enhancing your marriage bed activities. Here are a few examples of using them to make the best love you can make without cheapening sex.
- Better Foreplay: You can enhance almost any foreplay activity with a vibrator. Use them where you see fit during foreplay to stimulate erogenous zones.
- Enhance Intercourse: The added support and better angles sex pillows provide during intercourse enhance your enjoyment of many sex positions, including your favorites.
- Reaching Orgasm Easier: Many wives struggle to climax or take a long time. Some sex positions and techniques may help her orgasm, but sometimes a wand massager pressed against her clitoris during intercourse is what it takes for her to get there reliably.
- Delay Orgasm: Some husbands don’t last as long as they would like during intercourse. Some rings and creams can help prolong the time until ejaculation so they can enjoy longer sessions together.
- Overcoming Ailments or Struggles: Many couples struggle with conditions that limit their enjoyment during lovemaking. Maybe your husband has a bad back that limits his performance during intercourse, or your wife takes medication that makes climaxing difficult for her. Marital aids can help. If you have an ailment or struggle, email us, and we’ll do our best to help you have more enjoyable, satisfying sex.
Adheres To Christian Religious Boundaries
Each person should be completely willing to use the toy. It’s as simple as that. Only do what both spouses are comfortable with doing.
Marriage Problems?
Bedroom toys don’t fix marital problems. If you’re not getting as much action as you’d like, surprising your spouse with a sex toy will probably cause more issues. There’s a reason sex isn’t happening as often as you’d like. Find out what’s causing the lack of sex and fix that before introducing pleasure products.
Physical stimulation from touch or a massager is only one aspect of having great sex. Sheila Gregoire’s “The Orgasm Course” explains the other elements of what makes sex great and the techniques to help your wife orgasm. We HIGHLY RECOMMEND taking this course with your spouse so you can truly make the best love you can make!
It’s a Moral Decision You and Your Spouse Must Make
The purpose of this sex shop is to provide a safe place to purchase sexual aids without being exposed to nudity, porn, or activities that don’t align with Christian values. That doesn’t mean every toy sold in this store is okay for anyone to use or use any way they like.
The bottom line is you and your spouse must agree on what is morally acceptable in your marriage bed and where the lines are drawn regarding how and when sexual aids are used. Every couple is different, and what’s suitable for one couple might not be acceptable for another.
Please don’t take this page as the definitive moral guide to sex toy use for Christians. I’ve done my best to research this topic diligently, talk to people who know more than I do, and write what I learned here.
If you’re in doubt about anything, pray about it and talk it through with your spouse.
Other Resources
Bedroom accessories aren’t for everyone, and they aren’t the only things that can enhance intimacy in your marriage bed. Here are a few Christian-friendly resources that can help you improve sex.
- Christian-Friendly Sex Positions: Over 300 illustrated sex positions, sex routines, and sex tips.
- Marriage Bed Tips: A Christian-friendly foreplay and intercourse sex tips and techniques resource that helps you make the best love possible.
- The Intimate Covenant Podcast, episode 136, “Sex Toys – Do they belong in the marriage bed?” is a great resource to help you decide if sex toys are suitable for you. Listen to episode 136 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher. FYI, Intimate Covenant is an affiliate, but that isn’t why we’re telling you about them. The podcast episode is excellent, and Matt and Jenn do a great job of helping you decide if sex toys are suitable for your marriage.