Sex toys have been taboo amongst Christians since they were first created. I think part of this reasoning is that almost every store selling sex toys also displays nudity, sells pornography, and encourages activities that don’t align with Christian values.
Vibrators are also considered solo masturbation devices by many in the Christian community. I agree that vibrators and other marital aids can be used in ways that cheapen sex. Still, I argue that they can also be used to enhance intimacy and playfulness in your marriage bed and help strengthen your marriage.
Think about this. Almost all Christians accept personal lubricant as an acceptable marital aid. But what if that personal lubricant is used to masturbate while thinking about someone else? Is the lube or the act bad? The same can be said about sex toys. Using them with your spouse during foreplay and intercourse to enhance lovemaking can be great.
Sex toys are neither good nor bad, and what makes their usage wrong or not is the context and motivation of their usage. Also, what is right for some couples may not be suitable for others. Couples should self-examine their motivation for using a marital aid.
Here’s the best guidance we’ve been given and found about using sex toys without cheapening sex.
When are sex toys OK in a Christian marriage?
- When their use doesn’t cheapen sex.
- When they are used to enhance intimacy.
- When they adhere to Christian religious boundaries.
- When you and your spouse are comfortable and willing to use them together.
- Your marriage is rock solid. Sex toys don’t fix marriage problems.
Let’s take these one by one.
Don’t Cheapen Sex
Sex is the ultimate act of giving yourself completely to your spouse, which goes both ways, and it’s a unique way you and your spouse show love to each other.
Having sex so that you can play with a toy cheapens sex. Lovemaking should be about giving yourself to and loving your spouse, not giving a reason to play with a marital aid. Your love for each other should be the reason for lovemaking, not playing with a marital aid.
Replacing your spouse with a marital aid cheapens sex. For example, using a marital aid instead of making love to your spouse because you would rather the marital aid over your spouse.
I’m sure there are other ways marital aids could be used to cheapen sex, but you get the idea. Your love for each other and procreation should be at the center of lovemaking.
Enhance Intimacy and Playfulness
Marital aids can go a long way in enhancing intimacy in your sexual activities. Here are a few examples of using sex toys to add intimacy and playfulness without cheapening sex.
- Better Foreplay: You can enhance almost any foreplay activity with a vibrator. Use them where you see fit during foreplay.
- Enhance Intercourse: The support and angles sex pillows provide during intercourse will enhance your enjoyment of nearly every sex position.
- Reaching Orgasm: Many women struggle to orgasm or take a long time to orgasm. Some sex positions and techniques may help her climax, but sometimes a vibrator pressed against her clitoris during intercourse is what it takes.
- Delay Orgasm: Some men don’t last as long as they want during intercourse. There are marital aids that can help prolong the time until ejaculation so he and his wife can enjoy more time together.
- Overcoming Ailments or Struggles: Many couples struggle with ailments that limit their enjoyment during sex. Maybe your husband has a bad back that limits his performance during intercourse, or your wife takes medication that makes reaching orgasm almost impossible. Marital aids can help. If you have an ailment or struggle, email us, and we’ll do our best to help you have more enjoyable, satisfying sex.
Adheres To Christian Religious Boundaries
Each person should be completely willing to use the sex toy. It’s as simple as that. Only do what both spouses are comfortable with doing.
Marriage Problems?
Sex toys don’t fix marriage problems. If you’re not getting as much action in the bedroom as you’d like, surprising your spouse with a sex toy will probably cause more issues. There’s a reason sex isn’t happening as often as you’d like. Find out what’s causing the lack of sex and fix that before trying sex toys.
Physical stimulation from touch or sex toys is only one aspect of having great sex. Sheila Gregoire’s “The Orgasm Course” explains the other elements of what makes sex great and the techniques to help her orgasm. We HIGHLY RECOMMEND taking this course with your spouse so you can truly make the best love you can make!
It’s a Moral Decision You and Your Spouse Must Make
The purpose of this website is to remove the temptations of sex toys and behaviors that do not adhere to Christian religious boundaries. We don’t sell porn or toys with packaging that features nudity, and we don’t publish content that is not marriage-centered. That doesn’t mean every toy sold on this website is OK for anyone to use or use any way they like.
The bottom line is you and your spouse must agree on what sex toys are morally acceptable in your marriage and where the lines are drawn regarding how and when they are used. Every couple is different, and what’s suitable for one couple might not be acceptable for another.
Please don’t take this page as the definitive moral guide to sex toy use for Christians. I’ve done my best to research this topic, talked to people who are more knowledgeable about this than I am, and written what I learned on this page.
If you’re in doubt about anything, Pray about it.
Other Resources
Sex toys and marital aids are not for everyone and are not the only things that can enhance intimacy in your marriage bed. Here are a few Christian-friendly resources that can help you improve sex.
Christian-Friendly Sex Positions: Over 300 illustrated sex positions, sex routines, and sex tips.
Marriage Bed Tips: A Christian-friendly foreplay and intercourse sex tips and techniques resource that helps you make the best love possible.
The Intimate Covenant Podcast, episode 136, “Sex Toys – Do they belong in the marriage bed?,” is a great resource to help you decide if sex toys are suitable for you. Listen to episode 136 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher. FYI, Intimate Covenant is an affiliate, but that isn’t why we’re telling you about them. The podcast episode is excellent, and Matt and Jenn do a great job of helping you decide if sex toys are suitable for your marriage.